Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical
procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse’, he mumbles, from behind the mask ‘Are my
testicles black?’
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies ‘I don’t know,
Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.’
He struggles to ask again, ‘Nurse, are my testicles
black?’
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and
his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, ‘There’s
nothing wrong with them, Sir !!’
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly,
‘Thank you very much.. That was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely…….
‘ A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – back?
IDIOT SIGHTING :
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two..’ ;
We haven’t used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’ She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do tha t kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
From Kingman , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded,
‘That’s why we ask.’
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already got that side.’
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and
They Reproduce.
The piece below was written by Ron Gomez from Lafayette, LA. If you
don’t know Ron, he’s had a long and distinguished career in Lafayette,
LA, where he’s been a journalist, a radio and TV announcer, a 3 term
Louisiana state representative, a huge supporter of USL-ULL, an owner
of an advertising and public relations firm, and a published author.
IF THIS IS NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA, DELETE IT. IF IT IS, LET’S GET WITH
IT!!!!!
There’s a storm abrewin’. What happens when good,
responsible people keep quiet? Washington has forgotten they work
for us. We don’t work for them. Throwing good money after bad is
NOT the answer. I am sick of the midnight, closed door sessions to
come up with a plan. I am sick of Congress raking CEO’s over the
coals while they, themselves, have defaulted on their taxes. I am
sick of the bailed out companies having lavish vacations and
retreats on my dollar. I am sick of being told it is MY
responsibility to rescue people that, knowingly, bought more house
than they could afford. I am sick of being made to feel it is my
patriotic duty to pay MORE taxes. I, like all of you, am a
responsible citizen. I pay my taxes. I live on a budget and I
don’t ask someone else to carry the burden for poor decisions I may
make. I have emailed my congressmen and senators asking them to NOT
vote for the stimulus package as it was written without reading it
first. No one listened. They voted for it, pork and all.
O.K. folks, here it is. You may think you are just one voice and
what you think won’t make a difference. Well, yes it will and YES,
WE CAN!! If you are disgusted and angry with the way Washington is
handling our taxes. If you are fearful of the fallout from the
reckless spending of BILLIONS to bailout and “stimulate” without
accountability and responsibility then we need to become ONE, LOUD
VOICE THAT CAN BE HEARD FROM EVERY CITY, TOWN, SUBURB AND HOME IN
AMERICA. There is a growing protest to demand that Congress, the
President and his cabinet LISTEN to us, the American Citizens. What
is being done in Washington is NOT the way to handle the economic
free fall..
So, here’s the plan. On April 1, 2009, all Americans are asked to
send a TEABAG to Washington , D.C. You do not have to enclose a
note or any other information unless you so desire. Just a
TEABAG. Many cities are organizing protests. If you simply
search, “New American Tea Party”, several sites will come up. If
you aren’t the ‘protester’ type, simply make your one voice heard
with a TEABAG. Your one voice will become a roar when joined with
millions of others that feel the same way.. Yes, something needs to
be done but the lack of confidence as shown by the steady decline in
the stock market speaks volumes.
This was not my idea. I visited the sites of the ‘New American Tea
Party’ and an online survey showed over 90% of thousands said they
would send the teabag on April 1. Why, April 1?? We want them to
reach Washington by April 15. Will you do it? I will. Send it to:
President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington , D.C.. 20500
Forward this to everyone in your address book. I
would encourage everyone to go ahead and get the envelope ready to
mail, then just drop it in the mail April 1. Can’t guarantee what
the postage will be by then, it is going up as we speak, but have
your envelope ready. What will this cost you? A little time and a
42 or 44 cent stamp.
What could you receive in benefits? Maybe, just maybe, our elected
officials will start to listen to the people. Take out the Pork.
Tell us how the money is being spent. We want TRANSPARENCY AND
ACCOUNTABILITY. Remember, the money will be spent over the next 4-5
years. It is not too late.
What can we Lose???????
Ron Gomez, Lafayette, LA