The Perfect Man

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into
the taxi.

Cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros..
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you
should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic
jams.
Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman
and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the
perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

Superbowl

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

“No,” the man replied, “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the first man.

“Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?”

The second man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.

This will be the first Super bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else — a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

The man shook his head. “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

Politically Incorrect Jokes

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Lakeland, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

A friend of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, “How can you tell them apart?” He said, “Her brother has a mustache”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk …  “I hope the  porn channel in my room is disabled.”  To which she replied, “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods inPakistan. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it’sAfrica