Angry Fish Tank Guy

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

Below is a copy of an email conversation between a guy selling his fish tank and a prospective buyer:

Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY – NO EMAILS. 484-***-****
From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number? 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn’t give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

From Felix ********* to Me:

SERIOUSLY STOP TRYOING TO SEND FAX! IT WONT WORK BECAUSE ITS A CELL PHONE!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Can’t you just set your cell phone to fax machine mode?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what the hell is fax machine mode? cell phones dont have that!

From Felix ********* to Me:

OMG dude ENOUGH WITH THE FAXES!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Sorry, I set the fax machine to try sending the fax every fifteen minutes until it goes through. It was the office fax machine and I already left for the weekend. Can this wait until Monday?

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO IT CANT WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

From Felix ********* to Me:

GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND CANCEL IT RIGHT NOW

From Me to Felix *********:

My apologies, I can’t go back. I’m at the airport and my flight to Vancouver leaves in an hour and a half. I’ll cancel the fax on Monday when I get back.

From Felix ********* to Me:

HEY! NO! FUCK THAT YOU BETTER FIND A WAY AND CANCEL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!!!! CALL SOMEBODY AT THE OFFICE MAKE THEM DO IT I’M FUCKING SERIOUS

From Me to Felix *********:

Nobody is at the office, it is 6:30! Actually, you know what? The janitor might be there. We are pretty good friends. Do you want me to contact him?

From Felix ********* to Me:

YES

From Me to Felix *********:

Okay, I gave him your info. He’s going to call you shortly. I’m on the plane now and they are making us turn our cell phones off for takeoff. Good luck!

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT HAVE HIM CALL ME YOU IDIOT JUST HAVE HIM CANCEL THE FAX

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

From Felix ********* to Me:

GOD DAMMIT

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

===================================

I made another email account as Dave the Janitor…

===================================

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Hi there! Is this Felix? Mike told me to contact you about buying a fish tank. I’m Dave, the janitor at Mike’s office. I tried calling the number he gave me but it sounded like a fax machine or something, so I am emailing you instead.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah hi dave here’s the situation. mike has no idea how phones work and tried to send a fax to my phone using the fax machine at his office. now my phone is getting a call from the fax machine every 15 minutes. he said you can cancel the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Mike didn’t mention anything about a fax machine to me. He told me to buy a fish tank from you and he’d get it from me on Monday.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

oh jesus christ…no… he was supposed to tell you to cancel the fax that keeps calling my phone. are you at his office? can you stop the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

So you aren’t selling the fish tank?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look forget the fish tank just stop the fax machine, PLEASE!!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Why are you so worried about this fax machine? Can’t you just turn your cell phone to fax mode?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

that isnt a thing! look im done screwing around here. just stop the fax machine, ok?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Tell you what, I’ll cancel the fax machine if you drop the price on the fish tank to $75.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look im in no mood to haggle with a janitor over a fucking fish tank.

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Excuse me? “with a janitor?” What is that supposed to mean? What if I had a fancy rich person job as an investment banker? Would you haggle with me then? I don’t like your condescending tone, buddy. I know being a janitor isn’t the most desirable job, but I gotta put food on the table for my kids somehow! Sorry I’m not an astronaut with a degree in brain surgery! You’re in no mood to argue with a janitor? Well guess what? I am in no mood to turn off fax machines for a rude, snobby, patronizing fish tank owner!

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

i didnt mean to insult you. i like janitors. im sorry! can you please just turn off the fax machine!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Fine. But I am telling Mike what you said to me and I don’t think he will want to buy a fish tank from you after that. Are you this rude to your fish? Oh I’m Felix! Sorry, I’m in no mood to feed a goldfish! Maybe if you were a $500 Blueface Angel fish I would feed you.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

……are you done?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Yes, I stopped the fax. Sorry it took me so long to figure out how to cancel it. I’m just a janitor. What do I know about fax machines? I don’t have a fancy degree in fax machine engineering.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah yeah…. thats enough. thanks bye

===================================

A few days later, from my original email account…

===================================

From Me to Felix *********:

Felix,

I just got back from Canada to find out you were belittling my janitor? Dave is one of the best janitors I have ever had the pleasure of working with, so you better watch your mouth. You think you are better than him or something? Big words coming from a guy who doesn’t even own a fax machine. You can forget about me buying your fish tank!

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

good because im not selling anything to a stupid FUCK who cant even figure out how to dial a phone number!!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Please, stop harassing me and Dave. You’ve done enough. Leave us alone.

From Felix ********* to Me:

oh im harassing YOU? the dumbass who sets a fax to send me every 15 minutes and then LEAVES THE FUCKING COUNTRY? you know how many times that fax machine called me you stupid piece of shit you have the nerve to say IM harassing YOU? go fuck yourself you fucking fuckhead!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

Hola! I will be on vacation in Mexico until Monday, June 17th and will not be checking my email until I return. Adios, amigos!

It’s not you, it’s me

Posted by admin     Category: Facebook Funnies

Its not you its me

Interesting stuff

Posted by admin     Category: Cool

Bread Twisters

When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you ‘squeeze’ for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie.
They are:

Monday = Blue,
Tuesday = Green,
Thursday = Red
Friday = White
Saturday = Yellow.

So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue- Green – Red – White – Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember.

I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

DID YOU KNOW?

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
… 4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer’s Glue – paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any.
6. Shiny Hair – use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn – empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn – Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11 Bee stings – meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite – Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes – Preparation H
14. Paper cut – crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet – Jello
16. Athletes feet – cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails – Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won’t hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter – will get scratches out of CD’s! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain – Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff – pour on the vinegar !
26. Body paint – Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27 Tie Dye T-shirt – mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping – large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia , soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD’s!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax – Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food – fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets , soak overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall – Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36.. Dirty grout – Listerine
37. Stains on clothes – Colgate toothpaste
38. Grass stains – Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains – Coca Cola , it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox , or 2 Bayer aspirin , or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. Gatorade is good for Migraine Headaches (PowerAde won’t work)

Texas Escort Murder

Posted by admin     Category: Common Sense

A jury in Texas has a acquitted a man of 1st degree murder charges in a case where a woman came to the defendants house, at his request, to have sex with him for money. Apparently, the woman took $150 from the man and then refused to live up to her side of the bargain. In the ensuing argument, the man demanded his money back and the woman refused, it got heated and at some point he shot her. Although she did not die on the spot, she was paralyzed and died later.

Now, on the surface of this you may think, wow he handed her the money then asked for it back, and then he shot her. He should be convicted of murder.

But if you look a little further, you find that this was a scam that this woman participated in over and over again. She also had a big black guy that took her to such appointments and when the disgruntled “Johns” tried to get their money back he intervened. So, basically you have two people who had cooked up a scheme to get into people’s houses and rob them. When you look at it in this light, had those two been entering the homes of elderly people under false pretenses, then taking money from elderly people either with lies or physical intimidation, and one of those elderly people had pulled out a gun and shot one or both of them, most people would consider that justified.

Well, it is really the same thing.

I also applaud this law in Texas. Basically under Texas law, an individual is authorized to use deadly force to “retrieve stolen property at night.”

In our too politically correct society, the victims are scared to protect themselves and their property because of the possible legal ramifications. The predators know this. We basically have a society where the criminals are using the justice system against the law-abiding citizens. People are scared to defend themselves in a fight, people won’t stand up for themselves when confronted during a robbery, too many people cow down when someone confronts them.

How many times have you heard someone say something like this, if you have to shoot someone in your yard drag them into your house so that YOU don’t get arrested for murder. Really!?! We are threatened and we have to worry about how the law will look at it if we defend ourselves, our family, or even our property?

Look at another scenario. You have a shed full of expensive tools and equipment. Maybe you have a game room with nice electronics in a building on your property. Let’s say that you live about 45 minutes from the nearest city/police station. Someone comes onto your property knowing that you are a law-abiding citizen and backs up a big truck and proceeds to break into your shed and your game room and is loading up all of your stuff into their truck to steal it. What are you supposed to do? You call the police but they are at least 45 minutes away. The thieves will be long gone by the time help arrives. Do you A) Make a bowl of popcorn, pour a drink, pull up a chair outside and watch them rob you blind? or B) Got outside with a weapon and defend your property?

In a lot of states in this country, if you choose option “B” above and end up killing one of the robbers (I use the term robbing because they are stealing from you with you present and knowledgeable of what is happening vs burglarizing where they break in and steal with you being unaware) then you could be convicted of manslaughter or murder because your life was not threatened yet you still used deadly force. A lot of politically correct people would tell you that option “B” is criminal and that you should choose option “A”.

I call bullshit on that sentimentality. I applaud Texas where you are allowed to not only defend your self and your family, but you can defend your property, with deadly force if necessary.

And the girl that died, good riddance in my opinion. She was a predator preying on mens’ weakness. It’s just too bad that her big bouncer/pimp didn’t take one in the face as well.