Door to door survey

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey when he walked up to one man’s door, “Excuse me, Sir, how many times a week do you sleep with your wife?”

“Three times,” the man said without hesitation.

“Hmm, that is once more often than your neighbor,” the survey taker said, making a note.

“That makes sense,” the man replied, “after all, she is MY wife.”

Undertaker has a bad day

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

Bob, an undertaker, came home with a black eye.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I had a terrible day,” replied Bob. “I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

“Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was the big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half.”

“I see,” said his wife, “that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?”

“Wrong fucking room.”

Afghani Neighbor

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

I was walking up to my apartment building today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”

Magic-Carpet-3D_1

Poking fun at Christianity

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

Of course if you want to believe that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that he put in there in the first place because a woman that he created from a rib of a man was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree . . . go right ahead, I don’t mind.

Success throughout the ages

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is. . having friends.
At age 16 success is . .having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . .having money.
At age 50 success is . .having money.
At age 70 success is . .having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . .having friends.
At age 80 success is . .not peeing in your pants.

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