You Are Kidding!!!

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl “which floor?” to which she replies “Four, please.”

Making conversation, the girl says “I’m here to give blood. What are you here for?”

The guy says “I’m actually here to donate sperm. They give me eighty dollars for it.”

The girl goes, “Huh. I only get ten dollars for giving plasma.” They get off the elevators on their respective floors.

The next week, the same guy gets on the elevator to go give sperm again. Lo and behold, the same girl gets on. “Nice to see you again. What floor, miss?”

“Mmmmph!”, she says, and holds up three fingers.

Litrell Burnett, 35, a resident of Baton Rouge, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Litrell’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Litrell replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Litrell refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Litrell had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Litrell is black, a Democrat, and voted for Obama, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed, and it was determined to be George Bush’s fault.