When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Making conversation, the girl says “I’m here to give blood. What are you here for?”

The guy says “I’m actually here to donate sperm. They give me eighty dollars for it.”

The girl goes, “Huh. I only get ten dollars for giving plasma.” They get off the elevators on their respective floors.

The next week, the same guy gets on the elevator to go give sperm again. Lo and behold, the same girl gets on. “Nice to see you again. What floor, miss?”

“Mmmmph!”, she says, and holds up three fingers.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Litrell refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Litrell had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Litrell is black, a Democrat, and voted for Obama, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed, and it was determined to be George Bush’s fault.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: “Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.”

Ground: “Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.”

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

airplane70 Very Funny Memorial Day Jokes Frankfurt Airport

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, ground, I’m looking up the gate location now.”

Ground (with typical German impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, in 1944. But I didn’t stop”.

Cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros..
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you
should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic
jams.
Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman
and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the
perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”