Donating for money

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl “which floor?” to which she replies “Four, please.”

Making conversation, the girl says “I’m here to give blood. What are you here for?”

The guy says “I’m actually here to donate sperm. They give me eighty dollars for it.”

The girl goes, “Huh. I only get ten dollars for giving plasma.” They get off the elevators on their respective floors.

The next week, the same guy gets on the elevator to go give sperm again. Lo and behold, the same girl gets on. “Nice to see you again. What floor, miss?”

“Mmmmph!”, she says, and holds up three fingers.

Baton Rouge Woman Shot in the Head

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Litrell Burnett, 35, a resident of Baton Rouge, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Litrell’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Litrell replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Litrell refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Litrell had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Litrell is black, a Democrat, and voted for Obama, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed, and it was determined to be George Bush’s fault.

Memorial Day Landing at Frankfort Airport, Germany

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Memorial Day at an airport in Germany, a few years back: Frankfurt Airport

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: “Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.”

Ground: “Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.”

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

airplane70 Very Funny Memorial Day Jokes Frankfurt Airport

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, ground, I’m looking up the gate location now.”

Ground (with typical German impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, in 1944. But I didn’t stop”.

The Perfect Man

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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into
the taxi.

Cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros..
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you
should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic
jams.
Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman
and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the
perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

Superbowl

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A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

“No,” the man replied, “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the first man.

“Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?”

The second man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.

This will be the first Super bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else — a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

The man shook his head. “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
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