Roll Tide

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

20% OF THE U. OF ALABAMA FOOTBALL TEAM HAS BEEN ARRESTED DURING THE PAST
YEAR AND THE JOKES ARE FLOWING OUT OF AUBURN .

PA-ROLE TIDE………………..Enjoy!

____________________________________________________
A lady in Tuscaloosa calls 911. Hysterically, she says, “Someone’s just
broke into my house, and I think he’s going to rob me!”
The police officer says, “We’re really busy at the moment. Just get the
guy’s jersey number and we’ll get back to you.”
___________________________________________________
Q: What is Nick Saban’s biggest concern?
A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?
_____________________________________________________
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Tuscaloosa ?
A: A huddle
___________________________________________________ __
Q: Four Bammer players in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police
_____________________________________________________
Q: Why can’t most of the Bammer players get into a huddle on the field?
A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.
_____________________________________________ _______
The Bammer team has adopted a new Honor System.
“Yes, your Honor; No, your Honor”.
_____________________________________________________
The Tide is expecting a 7-6 season this year.
7 Arrests, 6 convictions.
____________________________________________________
Q: How will the Tide spend the first week of Spring Training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights
______________________________________________________

Donkey Business

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck now works for the government.

Why did the chicken cross the road

Posted by admin     Category: Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on
the
other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to
cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure —
right
from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he
must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need
to
do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his
‘CURRENT’
problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road…

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth?’
That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that
chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other
side.

That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as
simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% ………
reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

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