You Are Kidding!!!

I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Lakeland, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

A friend of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, “How can you tell them apart?” He said, “Her brother has a mustache”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk …  ”I hope the  porn channel in my room is disabled.”  To which she replied, “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods inPakistan. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it’sAfrica

Chinese-born pianist Lang Lang gave a musical shout out to America-hating patriots in his homeland when he played at the White House state dinner last week.

During his performance, Lang tinkled the ivories with the famous anti-American propaganda tune “My Motherland” — the theme song from the Chinese-made Korean War movie “Battle on Shangangling Mountain.”

Chinese President Hu Jintao, the guest of honor at the dinner, surely recognized the melody. The song has been a favorite anti-American propaganda tool for decades.

Lang apparently knew exactly what he was playing.

‘I think playing the tune at the White House banquet can help us, as Chinese people, feel extremely proud.’ — Pianist Lang Lang, pictured here at a New York event

The 1956 film “Battle on Shangangling Mountain” depicts Chinese troops pinned down under enemy fire on the mountain. Then reinforcements arrive and the troops attack the US soldiers, whom the Chinese refer to as “jackals.”

Lang said in a TV interview that he played the song to reflect Chinese pride.

The anti-US musical interlude at the White House touched off some patriotic chest-thumping on Chinese blogs.

“Those American folks very much enjoyed it and were totally infatuated with the melody!!! The US is truly stupid!!” wrote one blogger.

A White House spokesman declined to comment on the song selection, instead directing questions about Lang’s performance to the National Security Council staff, which was not available to comment.